I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
