i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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