Yo dont text me then not text me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
