sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
