Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
