after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
