if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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