I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
