he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I love you. Go after that dick
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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