Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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