I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
