Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Are we still banned from the library?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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