ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
