sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
