Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
