if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
