Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
