I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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