I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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