I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
