She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
