Grow some girl-balls and come out already
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
