i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your dad touched me again.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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