sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
