literally had 100 drinks last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
