she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
