there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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