Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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