she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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