Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
