There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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