So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize