The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
