u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
