just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
