Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that's an acceptable place to lick
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
