Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
