During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
