but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize