And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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