I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
