turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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