i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
