Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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