Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
