HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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