So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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