I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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