True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Drunk is a universal language darling
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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