I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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