the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i have herpe
just one?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
