in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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