every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
