I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
