Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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