Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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