i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
