Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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