belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
