Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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