Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
