I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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