NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My life is pants optional.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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