I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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