fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
