I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
