Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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