he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
