i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
