We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
