so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
