Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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