my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Alive.
So much puke
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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