Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
