First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
