He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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