so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
