Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
