New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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