All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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