Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize