is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
