sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
