Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
4 words: hood of his car
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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