I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
