i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
