I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
