Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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